(The original Hungarian article you can read here in the magazin, from page10.)
Introduction
Fate is unpredictable. For some, it's turbulent and challenging, for others, it's pleasant, like floating on calm waters, abundant… However, I find what's inside— or rather, Who is inside— more important: The mind, the heart, which perceives, sees, feels, and senses… And if this being skillfully manages their life story, they can tune into their own waves more clearly through increasingly rich experiences, and create what is uplifting, inspiring, and joyful for them more effortlessly.
What fate brings is not only unpredictable but— from a slightly distant perspective— I see it as insignificant.
The person who wants to see will eventually see, even if their eyes are gouged out. The one who complains and curses will only notice the dirt under the maid's nails from the most comfortable leather chair in their palace. The one who wants to learn will receive countless lessons from fate. The one who wants to prove themselves will face one challenge after another. The one who wants to love will open up through their experiences to what love can truly mean…
I believe the most important questions in a person's life are these:
What do you really want to create in your life? Who do you want to become?
These questions are not for everyone, and that's perfectly fine. The world was created with infinite colors, and that's what makes it real. As long as it is enough for a person that the world does its work through them, without wanting to have any say in their life, it’s not worth pondering such questions. However, those who step onto the path of consciousness should meditate on these two questions from time to time. At the end of our lives, there will be only one measure: what we experienced, what we gave to others, what we created, how we made our decisions, who we became through all this, all summarized in the reflection of our own inner eyes.
Every decision we make can be linked to these two questions, or rather, to our answers to them. And the answer always changes depending on how well we know ourselves.
My journey to my current life led through countless experiences. Perhaps I'm not exaggerating when I say I've lived many lives in my 40 years so far. Although I've read quite a few books (compared to what, right?), and attended college and university for a few years, none of them truly filled that inner spiritual flow that my life experiences have given me. I learned from everything around me.
As a child, my favorite activity was observing others. How they speak, articulate, their facial expressions, body language, intonation. It was interesting to see how a person is made up of tiny details as a whole. As I grew up, my friends and acquaintances began to multiply. This brought with it more and more life stories presented to me through the perspectives of those living them. Anyone I engaged in conversation with would easily open up to me, sharing their greatest sorrows and woes. Perhaps they felt that I listened to them with sincere interest, far beyond the "How are you?" “Thanks, I’m fine” level.
It was never a question for me that I wanted to work with people when I grew up. Even though I went through a lot of pain and difficulties from my teenage years due to my openness, kindness, naivety, and immaturity, receiving from strangers, classmates, and ‘friends’ alike. The main theme of my life has always been the human soul. Life has given me the greatest opportunity by allowing me to observe my own inner reactions and changes under the influences that affected me.
I've been in the holistic massage profession for more than 10 years, and in recent years my role as a helper through conversations has started to take shape. Massage treatments can offer a lot in the short term (relief from physical and mental tension, energetic harmonization, and recharging, mental calm), but unfortunately, the are not effective in the long run. For that, words and the plane of reason are needed. People can easily recreate for themselves the emotional state that comes with troublesome physical symptoms.
My Professional Aim
To help people connect with their true selves on physical, mental, and energetic levels, so they learn to trust themselves and become increasingly capable of relying on their own internal resources.
I find it important that people realize the magic of their individuality and understand with both mind and heart that their unique being can only be truly felt by themselves (I believe that understanding in such depths and expanses is no longer interpretable (!)). And that what a meaningful life means for them is not found in the trends of the outside world but in the details and totality of their own colors and melodies. This is why it is important to learn to look inward.
No person outside of us can know better what our current experience gives us; how long we need to stay in the same problem area until we can finally move on to the unknown for the birth of the New…
This is a frightening path for the mind where one takes responsibility for their own decisions and the consequences that come with them. There is no longer any point in blaming others. Temporarily, it may be possible, but in the end, one sees more and more clearly that it’s not worth running from oneself. Our limitations will be indicated by life through those problematic life situations with which we struggle. One can trick and shut oneself off from these situations, but if you pay a little attention, you will see that there is no escaping life's intelligence.
From the moment of birth, the compulsion to conform to others is coded into us for survival and thriving. It's really not easy in this environment to realize what it means to love ourselves and others healthily. If we step onto this path, sooner or later, we will reach this experience too…
Conscious Decision / Choice
Since I was concerned with human fate from childhood (fate destruction vs. conscious creation, as I later heard), you might think that my path led straight here, where I am now. In reality, it looked completely different. There were a thousand and one other things I loved to spend my time on, and I could imagine building my future with each one of them. Music, sports, travel, writing, photography, and other interests I experienced and utilized were long-standing stress factors in choosing a main direction for myself. For a long time, I felt that whatever I chose, I was biting into the other fingers. .
The real choice happened in me when I first moved to London at 24. By then, the pressure of parental influence was no longer at the forefront. The distance and supporting myself financially gave me the opportunity for freer decision-making. When I arrived in London, I applied for four completely different jobs. When it turned out that I was accepted for all of them (cleaning, social worker, hairdressing assistant, dental assistant), I had to think more deeply primarily about what I really wanted from my life: now and in the next decade. By then, this was less of a pressure for me. I saw it more as a conscious choice that could shape my entire life in new directions. Finally, I gave myself time, without long-term commitments, and chose a waitressing job near Oxford Street. I waited for my direction to develop from within… The buzz of London and the feeling of freedom, that my parents were not behind me, fearing my decisions, easily put together the plan within me: I will apply for an internationally recognized massage course. With this decision, I truly felt that I was finally on the path to adulthood and embarked on the capital-L Life…
The following 10 years of experiences gradually freed me from the form filled with fears and inner tensions that I lived in from childhood to my early twenties. From the little girl who spent countless minutes trying to summon the courage to stand up on the bus to press the stop button to get off at the right stop, finally, the outlines of a more liberated person began to take shape. I began to enjoy the freedom of making decisions that fit my own measure and meaning in my own life without having to explain myself to others who did not understand the root of my decisions. I enjoyed my work, the countless opportunities that London life provided to learn and change through experiences directed towards myself. I soared.
I learned to make and follow through on decisions from my core, regardless of how scary or difficult they were. Many times I jumped into the unknown and started everything anew without having a stable financial background. This taught me to live with uncertainty. I once had only 40 pounds in London without a job and housing because I knew I had to leave my current relationship, despite loving the person dearly, my life was not heading in the direction I was meant to go. I worked as a waitress, bartender, cleaner, social worker, and massage therapist carrying my massage table on London's metro and bus network, while more and more of the world was revealed to me as I watched, looked, and saw it. I moved to a new country without knowing anyone or speaking the local language. All my fears were overridden by the knowledge my heart dictated: I have to move there to start a new life again. I made numerous decisions in life without knowing what would happen next, only feeling deep inside that I had to go in that direction…
Once I made a decision, I liked to follow through with it, and deal with the consequences as well. This made me resilient and, in the meantime, I got to know myself deeply and in detail, understanding how I function. I learned to stay flexible, utilizing many of my abilities, and experiencing that one can always get up and move on if they are not afraid to use what they have. Keeping in mind the fact: everything has its price…
I have countless stories: I did a lot of foolish things that I wouldn't do today because, in hindsight, I can clearly see that they didn't help my situation but rather made it worse. I often caused pain to others unintentionally, and if I had been stronger and stood by my instincts, I could have avoided it; I made decisions against myself countless times. It was in my thirties that I finally started taking myself more seriously, realizing that I also matter in life, paying attention to myself, and loving myself.
There is only one decision I truly regret: giving up playing the cello at the age of 13.
This might sound like a cliché because so many others have said/written it before (fortunately), but it’s true for me as well: despite all the foolishness, I don't regret anything from my life (except giving up the cello :)). I know precisely that every difficulty I faced, every decision, and every experience I gained from my various jobs, relationships, friendships, and inner world observations were necessary to become the person I am today and to have the life I have now.
Present: The Experience of 'Feeling At Home'
I have found a place where I feel at home in the world. I spend most of my life on São Miguel, where fate brings me together with countless people as clients and friends. I have managed to create a place where I do what I love and have business connections that provide value to all parties involved. My profession has found a true resonance. I give people things that have always been valuable to me while continuing to grow and express myself in different ways in this field.
Life has also given me the opportunity I had almost completely given up on: I found a partner with whom we can journey towards our true selves, supporting each other along the way, connecting in love and joy.
Since moving to São Miguel in 2017, I have dreamed of holding small group retreats here, where participants can spend time in a setting that promotes self-reflection, breaking down barriers, achieving a state of joy, and connecting more freely with others and their unmasked selves. I have also received several requests to hold such retreats in Hungary, which I am open to. Currently, I am working on realizing these projects.
Future
The next decade for me is about creating internal and external stability. In the first 40 years of my life, continuous change, emotional healing, self-confrontation, experience, and adventure were at the forefront, with all their positive and negative consequences.
Now that I have 'gotten to know myself' to some extent, I want to create a life built on ease and joy. A life that isn't about constant internal and external struggles and difficulties but about allowing, being inspired, and expanding inner joy, showing that I love the person I have become on my journey.
In my profession, I want to continue inspiring those ready for real change to live their own lives rather than the one imposed on them by the world.
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